A post to help my state of mind

 I went to see my Neurologist a couple of weeks ago and after examining my legs which, I thought were getting weaker, he told me that I am on the cusp of Secondary Progressive MS. This was a *huge* shock!!!

I feel like I'm in a washing machine being tossed around.  Its the same feeling as I had when I was first diagnosed.  Its the 'not knowing' whats gonna happen and having absolutely no control over it in anyway.  I like to be in control if I can and its taken me 10 years to relax (slightly) into the 'not knowing'.

I knew I was getting slightly worse but nothing has prepared me for this.  I have a great relationship with my Neurologist and we have been totally honest with each other and once I calmed down at home I realised that I'm pleased he told me.  At least my legs still have strength in them so I know they're not gonna collapse which has given me more confidence.

All of the problems I'm experiencing now, like the pain and stiffness in my legs, is a result of damage that happened when I was first diganosed.  The second time I went into hospital I literally couldn't walk and now my MS has decided to have another go at that part of my brain.  But at least now I have my wheelchair.  I'm so pleased I got it before all of this happened.  I can't imagine what it would be like to have the do that now on top of everything else I'm feeling!

I had a few bad days where my mind has been all over the place.  So after nights of not sleeping properly I decided to journal it out.  I found the picture in my bit box where I keep loads of pictures from magazines when I was looking for something for the Spring page.

I used water soluble crayons for the background and a white Sakura Souffle pen to draw lightening onto the background.  I needed to wite down how I felt but ended up just writing what you see here.  I *know* why the journal page was made and I know what I was feeling.  This has helped me enormously.

I used a stamp that Jo gave me for my birthday a while ago and it sums up my life beautifully.  I stamped it onto tissue paper and used Golden gel medium to attach it to the page. 

Its taken me a long time but I think I have my head round it now.  I am the same person who walked into the clinic as walked out.  Nothing has really changed apart from a name, but its a name that can literally strike fear into you.  I'm seeing a psycologist from the Pain Clinic tomorrow and my counsellor on 2nd April so I can let rip then ;)

Thank you for allowing me this little therapeutic indulgence.

Journal Journeys Challenge 06

At the beginning of the month Dawn posted the new prompt for the Journal Journeys Challenge.  This time, very appropriately, its 'Spring'.

I knew I wanted the page to be really fresh with lots of greens and yellows.  Now you know me by now.  I either take a glut of pictures or forget to take any.  This is a forget kinda thing!

Here's the finished article.

I did the background at home using Derwent Inktense blocks in 2 shades of green and a yellow.  I smooshed them around with water, dried it and took my journal to the Art Club.

I found the picture of the snowdrop in a Living North magazine that someone gave me.  it has *the* most fanatstic photos and this photo of the snowdrop is perfect as they are truly Spring to me.  I applied the picture and the wording using Golden Gel Medium (matte).

The wording is from a short story by Hans Christian Andersen aptly called The Snowdrop.  Its a lovely tale and worth a read.  I printed on tissue paper which I put through my printer taped to an A4 sheet of copier paper.  Because I have a kodak printer and the ink dries incredibly quickly you can put anything wet over it and the ink won't bleed.  Fab for doing gel transfers!

The stamps I used are clear one from...erm...Martha stewart....Anna Griffin...someone like that.  And the word stamp is from Inpression Obsession clingables and suits this page perfectly.  I always wonder how those gorgeous snowdrops manage to bloom in such adverse conditions.  I guess Hans Christian Andersen explains it all

Art Exhibition

Yesterday I went to fab art exhibition organised by Colour Your Life.  It had artwork in from the various art clubs run by them in my area and even included a couple of mine!!!

Between me, my Mam and Dad we never thought about taking a camera but luckily Carrie came along and reminded us that it'd be lovely to have photos and promptly started snapping my art on the walls.

I had one more piece in the show too.  Its possibly the same size as the mask canvas (I can't remember!) and I didn't take many photos while I was doing it.  Simply because I was having too much of a good time, laughing with Lisa and Len.

I started by brayering yellow acrylic paint onto the canvas.  I've now learned why brayering doesn't work so well on canvas but I really like the effect.  I highlighted the wooden stretches on the back of the canvas by rubbing the paint in with my fingers.

Next I mixed some ochre paint with the yellow to get an almost orangey colour that I sponged through sequin waste with a paper towel and dabbed some paint off the towel directly onto the canvas.

The colour that the canvas turned out to be, was determined by the fact that I managed to die cut the word 'dream' from sticky back chipboard on the wrong side.  Jo was having a play with alcohol inks so I got her to colour it for me.  Hence a green and orange canvas with yellow added in for good measure. 

I used torn Brenda Pinnick scrapbook papers and a piece of corrugated cardboard my Dad had ripped from a box that he was putting in the bin.  The bird is from a Sissix die and cut in sticky back chipboard.  This time it didn't matter which was the right side.  I used a picture from a magazine of logs for the body and trees for the wing.

The branch was in the stash at the art club and *had* to be used ;)  On the left hand side of the canvas you can just make out some white netting.  Its from a bag that contain tasters of cheese and gives the canvas another texture.