A post to help my state of mind

 I went to see my Neurologist a couple of weeks ago and after examining my legs which, I thought were getting weaker, he told me that I am on the cusp of Secondary Progressive MS. This was a *huge* shock!!!

I feel like I'm in a washing machine being tossed around.  Its the same feeling as I had when I was first diagnosed.  Its the 'not knowing' whats gonna happen and having absolutely no control over it in anyway.  I like to be in control if I can and its taken me 10 years to relax (slightly) into the 'not knowing'.

I knew I was getting slightly worse but nothing has prepared me for this.  I have a great relationship with my Neurologist and we have been totally honest with each other and once I calmed down at home I realised that I'm pleased he told me.  At least my legs still have strength in them so I know they're not gonna collapse which has given me more confidence.

All of the problems I'm experiencing now, like the pain and stiffness in my legs, is a result of damage that happened when I was first diganosed.  The second time I went into hospital I literally couldn't walk and now my MS has decided to have another go at that part of my brain.  But at least now I have my wheelchair.  I'm so pleased I got it before all of this happened.  I can't imagine what it would be like to have the do that now on top of everything else I'm feeling!

I had a few bad days where my mind has been all over the place.  So after nights of not sleeping properly I decided to journal it out.  I found the picture in my bit box where I keep loads of pictures from magazines when I was looking for something for the Spring page.

I used water soluble crayons for the background and a white Sakura Souffle pen to draw lightening onto the background.  I needed to wite down how I felt but ended up just writing what you see here.  I *know* why the journal page was made and I know what I was feeling.  This has helped me enormously.

I used a stamp that Jo gave me for my birthday a while ago and it sums up my life beautifully.  I stamped it onto tissue paper and used Golden gel medium to attach it to the page. 

Its taken me a long time but I think I have my head round it now.  I am the same person who walked into the clinic as walked out.  Nothing has really changed apart from a name, but its a name that can literally strike fear into you.  I'm seeing a psycologist from the Pain Clinic tomorrow and my counsellor on 2nd April so I can let rip then ;)

Thank you for allowing me this little therapeutic indulgence.

Journal Journeys Challenge 06

At the beginning of the month Dawn posted the new prompt for the Journal Journeys Challenge.  This time, very appropriately, its 'Spring'.

I knew I wanted the page to be really fresh with lots of greens and yellows.  Now you know me by now.  I either take a glut of pictures or forget to take any.  This is a forget kinda thing!

Here's the finished article.

I did the background at home using Derwent Inktense blocks in 2 shades of green and a yellow.  I smooshed them around with water, dried it and took my journal to the Art Club.

I found the picture of the snowdrop in a Living North magazine that someone gave me.  it has *the* most fanatstic photos and this photo of the snowdrop is perfect as they are truly Spring to me.  I applied the picture and the wording using Golden Gel Medium (matte).

The wording is from a short story by Hans Christian Andersen aptly called The Snowdrop.  Its a lovely tale and worth a read.  I printed on tissue paper which I put through my printer taped to an A4 sheet of copier paper.  Because I have a kodak printer and the ink dries incredibly quickly you can put anything wet over it and the ink won't bleed.  Fab for doing gel transfers!

The stamps I used are clear one from...erm...Martha stewart....Anna Griffin...someone like that.  And the word stamp is from Inpression Obsession clingables and suits this page perfectly.  I always wonder how those gorgeous snowdrops manage to bloom in such adverse conditions.  I guess Hans Christian Andersen explains it all

Art Exhibition

Yesterday I went to fab art exhibition organised by Colour Your Life.  It had artwork in from the various art clubs run by them in my area and even included a couple of mine!!!

Between me, my Mam and Dad we never thought about taking a camera but luckily Carrie came along and reminded us that it'd be lovely to have photos and promptly started snapping my art on the walls.

I had one more piece in the show too.  Its possibly the same size as the mask canvas (I can't remember!) and I didn't take many photos while I was doing it.  Simply because I was having too much of a good time, laughing with Lisa and Len.

I started by brayering yellow acrylic paint onto the canvas.  I've now learned why brayering doesn't work so well on canvas but I really like the effect.  I highlighted the wooden stretches on the back of the canvas by rubbing the paint in with my fingers.

Next I mixed some ochre paint with the yellow to get an almost orangey colour that I sponged through sequin waste with a paper towel and dabbed some paint off the towel directly onto the canvas.

The colour that the canvas turned out to be, was determined by the fact that I managed to die cut the word 'dream' from sticky back chipboard on the wrong side.  Jo was having a play with alcohol inks so I got her to colour it for me.  Hence a green and orange canvas with yellow added in for good measure. 

I used torn Brenda Pinnick scrapbook papers and a piece of corrugated cardboard my Dad had ripped from a box that he was putting in the bin.  The bird is from a Sissix die and cut in sticky back chipboard.  This time it didn't matter which was the right side.  I used a picture from a magazine of logs for the body and trees for the wing.

The branch was in the stash at the art club and *had* to be used ;)  On the left hand side of the canvas you can just make out some white netting.  Its from a bag that contain tasters of cheese and gives the canvas another texture.

Colour Your Life

After going to see The Vagina Monologues at my local theatre, I keep being sent 'what's on' guides for it.  Buried in the last one was an advert for Colour Your Life.  Its an arts programme partly funded by the NHS and its to aid well being through art.

So far I've been 3 times and have *loved* every minute.  There is an artist in residence who will help if you want / need it.  At the moment its Paul who does incredible art work.  If you want him to he will guide you through a project or you can just get stuck in and do your own thing, which is what I've been doing.

They have loads of stash there - canvasses of all sizes, paint (acrylic and watercolour), pastels, brushes, pencils, mod roc, corrugated card and if there is anything you particularly want they will try, within reason, to get it for you.

So far I have completed 2 pieces.  The first is called 'Windows to the Soul'.  I initially covered the canvas (15.5" x 11.5" shallow edge) with mod roc (the stuff plaster casts are made of) and attached the masks with that.  I then took it home and me and the masks had a falling out and they came un-stuck.  So I covered the whole thing with paper taken from an altered book I started at a workshop ages ago.  I painted the background with a weak wash of black Ecoline Ink.

Before I reattached the masks I printed 'art, beauty, passion and love' out from the PC and and traced round the words using Promarkers and stuck the words behind the eyes of the masks.  I then stuck the masks back to the canvas using my new fave glue - Hard as Nails!!!

I painted the masks with a weak wash of ultramarine violet Ecoline and finished the whole thing off with individual letters stamped using a See-Ds tiled alphabet stamp.  I wanted to convey the thought that despite all of the background noise I still have all of these things in my soul.

I'm really chuffed with it :-)

The second piece I've done is called 'My World is full of Colour'.  I started with a 20cm square deep edge canvas and planned to colour the background with a nice smooth layer of DI's but as I clagged them on ready to blend, Lisa and Pauline who I sit with stopped me blending them.  And I'm really pleased they did!  

The colours are Spice Marmalade, Broken China, Mustard Seed and Dusty Concord.

I already had a picture to go on it, cut from a magazine and just need wording.  I used the Artistic Affirmations stamps set from Chocolate Baroque.  I stamped them using Tuxedo Black Memento Ink onto tissue paper.

I used Golden Matte Gel Medium to adhere them all to the canvas and here is the finished article.

I think the picture is advertising a body wash or moisturiser that contains no chemicals but I just *love* the picture!

Pain, Journaling and Art

I've been meaning to post for ages but things have just gotten away from me.

First of all good news - I HAVE NO PAIN!!!!!!!

I've been a lot of pain over the last year or so.  It gradually crept up on me and just didn't go away, no matter what pain killers I took.  The only way I could get relief was to craft but my Muse disappeared.  Think she was scared by the pain lol!!

I've been attending the Pain Clinic for a while and a couple of weeks ago the doc offered me a Lidocaine infusion.  Its a local anaesthetic but doesn't numb when given by infusion.  It just does something to trick the nerves into not giving me pain.  There was no guarantee of it working but I *had* to try.

I had it on 25th January at my local hospital.  I had to go in my wheelchair as I just couldn't walk for the pain.  I went in with a pain score of 10 and came out with a score of zero and could walk again!  I get a little pain at night but the rest of the time its fine and no more pain killers.  Its a really weird feeling.  The first night I couldn't sleep cos my legs just didn't feel like mine.

I've still got very tired legs and I'm having spasms again but my MS Nurse is gonna work it out with my Neurologist to change some medication.

So now that I've written loads I think I should show my completed journal page that I started on new Years Day.

I wrote the wording using a dipping pen and drawing ink.  There were spots of ink all over cos I'm not so good with the pen so I decided to try and cover up the black marks by using Black Soot DI, which of course looked too dark and didn't dry.  So baby wipe at the ready I wiped it off and what I was left with was a darkened version of the original page which I love!

I also promised ages ago to show you my art from the MS Trust Secret Art Show.  There's another one starting in April.  I'm in the middle of doing more pieces for them.

All of the artwork is on heavy water colour paper that the MS Trust send out to the artist.  This one is drawing ink allowed to run over the paper with variegated metal leaf applied in some the shapes that the ink made.

This sold on the night of the first day of the show to the lady who organised the show.  She e-mailed to tell me and hoped I'd not be upset.  Out of all the artwork she saw, it was mine that spoke to her.  I was *chuffed*!!!

This is very obvious to any crafters out there.  I used Crushed Olive and Broken China DI's on the background with some water dripped on to remove some of the colour.  The stamp is from Sir Tim of Holtz.  Its a clear stamp and I got permission from Ranger and Sir Tim before using it.  The wording is printed on the PC and cut up.

This one sold in the first 10 minutes of the show opening!!

This was the first piece I did and I not keen on it.  Cos I'd spent time doing it I sent it in anyway.  I'm not sure if it sold or not.

I used some red paint from Ikea meant for colouring the plain wooden items they sell.  I painted another piece of paper and clagged this piece onto it and it came apart with this lovely pattern.  I used a green paint dabber through small sequin waste and then used yellow paint on a skewer to make the lines.

I've already done one piece for the Spring show and I'm really pleased with it.  Let you see that when its (hopefully) sold.

Happy New Year!!!

After my relapse I decided to take it easy for a few weeks to get myself pulled together.  I finally feel ready to craft again and that was exactly what I was doing yesterday - huddled in my craft room with my new Slanket on, listening to an audio book and getting painty!!

I got 2 craft books for Christmas ( along with a lot of other stuff) from Jo - Surface Treatment Workshop: Explore 45 Mixed Media Techniques and Art at the Speed of Life.  The Surface Treatments gave me the kick I needed to start creating again and I started to read the the second one on Christmas Day.  For once I am taking notice of what the author is telling me to do to try to save precious time in our crafting habits.  So yesterday I created most of a journal page and loads of backgrounds for a journal (or smash book) that I made last winter out of recycled packaging.

First of all I gesso'd the journal page as it had some Krylon ink coming through from the previous page and while my sponge brush was dirty I gesso'd all of the pages of the recycled journal.

You can great texture on the page by pressing the end of the sponge onto the page.  The bubbles that come from the sponge stay raised when it dries too!

Next I dripped Golden paints Pthalo Blue (Green Shade) and Pthalo Green (Blue Shade) onto the pages and used a Speedball brayer to roll the colour around and blend it.

The names of these colours always make me smile.  Why is the blue, green and the green, blue??  I'm sure there's some rational explanation but I don't really care so much cos I *love* these colours especially together!

I wanted a complete contrast to the image I'd chosen for the page.  Its a picture of Dita von Teese from one of those glossy magazines a neighbour gives to my Mam and I rip up!

For anyone who doesn't know who she is, she's a Burlesque dancer and if I was fit and well, I'd love to try Burlesque. 

The gold on the outside of the page is Golden paints Irridecent Gold (fine) and is sponged through small hole sequin waste.

The page isn't finished yet and I'm sure how its gonna end up, but I love it so far!

And here are some of the backgrounds I did.  You can see that I used the same colours a couple of times meaning I only had to wash my tools once.  Its common sense but Art at the Speed of Life has really brought it home to me.  Bit dense you see ;-)

And I'm intending to keep my baby wipes and use them in art too. Here are my first 3!

So here's to a new Year that is Happy, Healthy and Crafty for all of us!!

Relapse number 2 :o(

I've not been feeling myself for a few weeks and it all came to a head on Monday.  I rang the doctors and got an appointment for 3 hours time for an unrelated matter but by the time I got to the surgery I had lost my balance, had visual disturbances and felt like my legs would colapse at any moment.  And i'm still waiting for my whelchair - typical!

I rang my MS Nurse on the advice of my GP and low and behold I'm having another relpase.  I've already had 1 this year - is that not enough????

So I've been backwards and forwards to the hospital for 3 days to have high dose steroids by intravenous drip and they've taken blood tests to see if I am building up antibodies to the Tysabri (my normal monthly infusion).

So firstly an apology to all my blog buddies.  I just ain't been in any frame of mind, fatigue wise, to leave any comments for weeks.  Rest assured though I have been by all of your blog posts but just not shown my presence.

Secondly I've decided I'm not making Christmas cards this year.  I bought some a few weeks ago with the intention of making a few, but this relapse has really scared me and I'm just not gonna push myself.  Hope you all understand.

So I'm off now for some food and put my feet up in front of the telly and catch up on stuff I've taped.